


I Always Knew You’d Leave Me

by aaliyahlucilfer



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Affairs, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Reader is married, Reader-Insert, Sad and Happy, Secret Relationship, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28578387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaliyahlucilfer/pseuds/aaliyahlucilfer
Summary: ✷𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗟 𝗟𝗮𝘄𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝘅 𝗥𝗲𝗶𝗷𝗶 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗸𝗮𝘄𝗮✷You married at the young age of 18 to a very successful and well-liked business man, Reiji Namikawa. You knew how you two came together wasn't right and you'd always blamed that on your constant need for something else. That feeling had you fall into an affair with L Lawliet.The two couldn't be more unlike. The gentle, shy, cunning L was vastly different than the rough, demanding Namikawa. Pursuing a relationship with both of them again wasn't the right thing to do but you could never seem to get anything correct. And so, with that, you lose yourself in the pleasure and trophy cases of both men.
Relationships: L (Death Note) & Reader, L (Death Note)/Reader, Namikawa Reiji/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. 1_✍︎

The smell of sweets reminded you of how close he was. Delicious fragrance wavered under your nose and the farther he pulled your body into his the stronger the aroma grew. Hot breath warmed your neck along with himself and you could feel his leg making it's way between your own. You wanted to be like this forever. Not to worry about life's problems but to be anxious of when the next kiss should be. To plague yourself with thoughts of pleasure and bliss not of stress and regret. But you were more realistic than that. You knew you were just dramatic and reaching for two things in the both the wrong directions.  
"How long have you been awake? Did you sleep well?" The sound of his deep morning voice jolted you out of your thoughts.  
"Not long, I just woke up." He smiled against the back of your neck and gave it a small kiss.  
"When do you have to leave?" You looked at the clock.  
"In about an hour."  
You looked back at your lover who's lips were in a pout. You frowned back playfully at the sight and pulled the man closer to your chest hoping he would see how happy he made you. Perhaps the beating of your heart would somehow convey your feelings to him. Words certainly couldn't.  
"Stay with me." He whispered softly against your skin.  
"You ask that everytime."  
"You give a different answer each time."  
Did he not know how difficult he made this? How absolutely heart-wrenching it was to have to leave him like this every time you guys got together? Maybe you were the problem. You knew it wasn't right to be seeing him on the side like this but he was a drug to you. No, more than a drug. You needed him to live. But again, that's what all addicts say.  
"And this time i'll say: You know I want to, but you know I can't."  
You stood from the bed and landed on the soft rug. It was a comforting feeling you knew all too well. It was like a puzzle you had memorized. The hot feeling of entangled bodies, feet met by a soft, plush rug then the cold, hardwood floors followed by the events of a bath together and driving home alone.  
"Why cant you sort out your feelings?" This response came when you were both pressed naked together in the tub.  
"Do you want me too?" You asked lazily.  
"It would make you feel better and that's all I want." That was just like him.  
"I don't really know how." You confessed.  
He poured some shampoo into his hand and began to work his fingers through your hair. You loved when his fingers ran through your (h/c) locks. The soft, scratching sensation was so different than the tight grip your husband had. It was comforting. Calming. And helped you relax.  
"Start with how you feel about him." He would never say your husbands name.  
"I met him when I was 16. He was 27. I think we both knew it wasn't right but I adored his attention and company. 16 year old me thought I was so cool for having such a hot, older boyfriend."  
"That's the past. What about now?"  
"I love him." The fingers in your hair gripped tightly for a moment but then continued to relaxingly scratch. "But I don't know if I'm just a young wife to have for events or someone he really cares about."  
"I think he cares about you." He was vouching for him? "He'd be an idiot not to."  
He started to rinse out the conditioner from your hair and began to rub your thigh. It didn't feel sexual, though you wouldn't mind if it was, just comforting. That's when you realized you would only ever have this kind of relationship with him. This was the only person who could see you as a lover and a human. The only one.  
"My love, why are you crying?"  
You turned around and buried your face deep into the croon of his neck. The tears from your eyes mixed with the water droplets on his shoulder and collarbone. A comforting hand stroked your back. Even if he didn't, it always felt like he understood. He'd always understand everything about you. That's just how he was. Caring.  
"Was it me that caused you to cry?" He asked.  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for continuing to see you and treat you like shit." You said between shaky breathes.  
"You make me the happiest I could ever be when I'm with you. Please don't apologize for seeing me. In fact, I should be the one saying sorry. I'm sorry I make you feel out of control."  
"You shouldn't say sorry for that. I'm a mess."  
A finger looped under your chin and pulled you to look up at him. When you met his eyes you couldn't help but be washed over by comfort and desire. It was like he knew exactly what you wanted when he started to kiss at where your tears had stained. And soon you were making out and sloshing around the tub.  
His face travelled down to your chest where he started to lick and suck at your breasts. While he worked his mouth he travelled his fingers down your stomach to your pussy and started to rub and touch you in the most pleasurable way. Just as you lost yourself in soft bliss his tongue gave your right nipple a flick causing both your mouth to open and your back to arch. He took this opportunity to take the very hand he was touching you with and stick the two most used fingers in your mouth. You sucked and tasted your own sweet self as he watched in pleasure. He liked when he showed you he could be rough like your husband but also much nicer.  
"Do you like the taste? I do too." He smiled naughtily and took his fingers out but immediately shoved his other fingers of the opposite hand between your lips. "How about that taste? It's my own." You nodded, muffled moans emitting from behind his fingertips.  
"Can I... fuck you now?" You smiled softly. No matter how rough he thought he could be he always got shy saying basic lewd things.  
"Please." You said when he had taken his fingers out and gripped them on the tub behind you.  
"T-thank you."  
And with that he entered you causing a loud moan from both you and him. He wasn't particularly vocal but soft whimpers could always be heard from him during the act and now was no exception. As he found a rhythm for you and him he couldn't keep the small noises from escaping his lips. You leaned forward and wrapped an arm around his neck and rest a hand on his cheek. Red warmth crept up onto his face.  
"Come on, pretty boy, let me hear you." You whispered. An even stronger blush came upon him.  
"Ah-. Ah-. Y/N i'm gonna-."  
You moaned surprisingly when you felt him finish inside you. He fell back against the bath and began to try and catch his breathe. His long, wet hair stuck to his face and gentle pants couldn't be kept from him.  
"D-did you-?" You shook your head. A frown crossed his lips. "Oh. I'm s-sorry please continue till you're done."  
"Ok, just a little longer."  
You began bobbing up and down on his cock and his whimpers were even louder. He was sensitive, even more so now, and you knew that. It just made you want to go faster. And so you did, riding him as though he wasn't blushing and whining wildly in front of you.  
"I'm coming!" You said after a few minutes and finished on his dick.  
"I-I did too. Again." He said when you laid onto his chest. "T-thank you."  
"You don't have to say thank you." You said, although you did enjoy it. It was such a nice finish to great sex. With your husband it was just a usual walking away to have a cigarette on the balcony.  
"Oh shit, what time is it?" You had completely forgotten.  
"Twelve."  
"I have to go! I'm sorry, I lost track of time." You got out of the water and started to dry off.  
"It's alright. I would prefer you stay longer but I'm sure he'd prefer you to be home."  
You sighed as you pulled on your last piece of clothing. You wish you could stay longer, too. But your lover was right, your husband would prefer you to be home. And for now, what he preferred is what would happen.  
"Thank you for having me." You leaned back down to give the still naked man a kiss, "have an amazing day."  
"Please come back more often. Have fun at your dinner party." He remembered when you told him that?  
"See you later, L.” You teased at his name.  
"See you later, my love."  
You walked out of the apartment and eventually into your car. It was time to go home. To your true place. To your significant other. But it was times like these that made you realize you loved both of them in different ways. Without their influence and a clear mind it was obvious you were extremely fond of both men. Maybe you were just selfish. Maybe you were just scared of commitment and sticking to one thing. Or perhaps, even your own self and feelings. Because when you had walked out of the bathroom you thought you had dreamt he had said 'I love you.' But now, you were sure you did but you had just decided to ignore it.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴_✍︎


	2. 2_✍︎

"Where the fuck have you been?"  
The deep voice sent the purest fear through you. It belonged to none other than your husband, Reiji, letting you know you hadn't made it home in time. Reiji had just returned home from a week long work trip in Japan and had unfortunately gotten home before you. It was only to be excepted of him to be upset but you didn't think he'd be this mad.  
"I'm sorry, I went out to lunch." The lie passed easily and you hoped he would believe it.  
"Lunch?" The closer he walked to you the scarier he got. "Fucking lunch!"  
A hand slammed onto the wall behind you. The sudden movement made you jolt and this only made him sneer at you. Anger flamed in his eyes while tears brimmed at yours. Altercations like this happened often but each time you still cried. You couldn't help it. The combination of him being upset with you, the raised voice, and intimidating movements made it impossible to keep dry eyes.  
"I've been working my ass off in another country and I can't even get a welcome home from you?" Silence for a moment. "Learn to fucking answer me!"  
"I'm sorry! What else do you want me to say?" Your face became wet as you couldn't hold it in anymore. You thought you saw his eyes soften at the image of you sobbing but soon you realized you were mistaken.  
A hard slap was delivered to your cheek. The pain stung sharply on impact and continued to linger even after his hand left. Tears began to fall faster from your eyes as you tried to turn and run away. Of course, you didn't make it far as he grabbed your arm and pulled you back into your place. He would always make sure you knew it.  
"Stop being such a whiny little bitch. I should be the one that's upset."  
"S-sor-." Another slap was given to you but this time on the opposite side of your face.  
"Stop fucking apologizing. It's pathetic." He smiled to himself. "Well, what else am I supposed to expect from you?"  
"Reiji..." The sound of his name surprisingly calmed him as he silently watched you cry.  
Soon his lips were kissing up and down your neck and his hands were exploring everywhere. It was just like him. To feel so suddenly turned on as you sobbed and pleaded. It revealed what a sick, twisted sadist he was. You bet he had planned it.  
"On your knees." You didn't hesitate to fall to the ground as you had already felt too weak to stand. You knew the next line to come even as you secretly hoped he wouldn't say it. "Suck it."  
Pathetically you worked to undo his belt. It took longer with the wall of tears in your eyes making him grow more and more impatient. Eventually both his pants and boxers slid down and his hardened cock sprung in front of you. You could already feel your jaw sore.  
Both your hands worked to pump him as your tongue swirled his tip, precum dripping onto your tastebuds. You soon took him into your mouth where you were forcefully gagged onto him. Your already wet eyes filled with a new set of tears as he used your hair to face fuck you. The grip he had on you was enough reason to cry for itself but the repeated motions on his dick were hurting both your jaw and throat. After a while he pushed you off and onto the floor.  
"Come on." He picked you up from your spot on the wood flooring and started to walk you both towards the bedroom. No matter how twisted his fantasies he'd always prefer on the bed.  
When you were sprawled on the sheets was when he ripped off all your clothing and began to lay kisses everywhere. His mouth soon found way to your thighs where he began to bite and suck. After he was satisfied with the markings on your legs his head settled in between them. You hated to admit it but his tongue truly was skillful as it lapped hungrily at you. Sloppy kisses and licks were delivered to your pussy and moans and shakes couldn't be helped by you. It was only natural.  
"Look at you." He finally said, breath landing on your clit, "you were so upset earlier! You pretend you don't like it, but we both truly know you love it. I bet you deliberately missed welcoming me home just to piss me off."  
That was his problem. The world he saw was not like the world every one else witnessed. He'd always move things around, change certain things to make it how he truly wanted. Any one aware would see how frightened and scared you were, how it definitely wasn't an act to get threatened then fucked. Actually, you wouldn't have minded consensual degrading in the bedroom but you didn't want uncalled for tears. It just left you confused and scared, wondering what would tip him off next time.  
"Fuck!" He groaned as he entered inside you.  
His thrusts were precise and aimed towards his pleasure rather than a compromise and the speed of it left your legs shaking. You hips bucked up and down with his as your breast violently followed. Sex with him was pleasurable but he believed there was no pleasure without pain. Pain meaning making you cry, scream, and bleed. Rarely did you both agree to fuck and on the occasions it did happen it was still full of your tears. You were starting to think he couldn't get hard unless you were completely at your limit.  
"Ah!" You moaned as you came onto his cock. He smiled happily to himself as he finished soon after.  
He fell beside you panting and groaning. His fingers toyed with your hair and the other rested on your waist. It was so unlike him to do so but you weren't complaining. You loved when he converted to how he used to be. Before you were officially married. It was then that life seemed easier, that he was nicer and genuinely loved you.  
"You're gorgeous like this." Tear stained and exhausted? "I wish I could take you to the event just as you are."  
"When is that anyways?" You finally spoke.  
"It's at 11. So a couple more hours. Is your makeup artist coming over?" You nodded.  
"You know I love you still?"  
"Still?"  
"For now." Oh.  
You smiled sadly to yourself as he stood from the bed and made his way to bathroom. You hadn't expected an I love you so it was only apparent he put a condescending message in it. Even though you were seeing someone else you still wanted him to love you truly. Maybe if he did you wouldn't have found your way to an affair. Maybe if he had realized what kind of person he was and bettered himself for you the marriage you two shared would be just like how you wanted it to be. Maybe if you realized it was wrong for a teenager to be messing with such an older man you wouldn't be here. But all those maybes would never happen. It wasn't your character. It felt as though the person you wanted to be would never be the person you are. Your life was bound to broken.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴_✍︎


End file.
